Sunday, February 7, 2010

Transition Revisited

The day after I dropped Ashley of in SLC I started struggling with my emotions again. I couldn’t figure it out. I had done this separation thing seven times before and it was not a two-day affair. By mid morning I had to retire to my bedroom to hide my tears as I lay on my bed. When my children left they had always came home again with spouses and eventually grandchildren. This is a win-win situation After some bitter struggling with my emotions I finally came to realize this was probably more about me than it was about Ashley’s leaving.

When you have your “last child” seven years after your other “last child” and you are already into your forties it is not without consequences. It means that should that child remain with you as they attend several years of collage while living at home you will be in your mid sixties when they finally leave home. I have high school mates that had two children in their early twenties. The children left home in their early twenties and the parents have already been empty nesters now for twenty years. I met a friend of Elaine’s and mine the other day that I first met when we were freshmen at BYU,  Danny Boyle. Danny was chasing a four year old around Lenharts. Danny got remarried in his late fifties to a women almost twenty years his junior. The four year old was not his grandchild. It was his daughter. He will be around eighty when this girl leaves home. For years now we have been invited to the empty nesters monthly potluck dinner/home evening in our ward.
First of all we didn’t want to spend the evening with those old people and second of all we weren’t empty nesters.

By maintaining teenagers in your home well into your middle age you slow the aging process. You are enriched by their lives and the lives of their friends that also come into your home. By maintaining a grandchild in your home in your mid sixties you can actually reverse that aging process.
So there you have it. This was my transition and I am coming to terms with it. I’m still not going to go to the empty nesters monthly potluck/home evening. Dad

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


4 A.M. Tuesday. It was decided the night before that I would drive Ashley to SLC rather that Elaine. She and Ashley had been up all night packing. I have no idea where she is going to put the stuff. My HHR  had only room for two people in the front seats. After prayer Mom and Ashley were both in tears. We had a pleasant trip. In-between Ashley sleeping we had time for reminiscing stories and some good laughs. One of the stories I told her was of just before Rob left for BYU. I was driving home on Broadway when I unexpectedly got all teary and emotional at the thought that he would be gone to school then a mission then marriage and he would really never "come home again" in some sense. All went well until we entered SLC and I knew that Ashley would be dropping me off at Jeans and continuing on to Rexburg alone.  Then it hit me. For the last ten miles we were both in tears. Ashley had a few minutes with each of the kids as they came home from school and then she was off on her new adventure. Jean by the way looks great. I kept looking at her and saying who is this girl? She could pass for someone 20 years younger. After supper with Jean and the kids I caught a late flight home and again was reminded that someone had left as we drove in the garage with one empty stall. Dad